Monday, April 4, 2011

THE MAKING OF A GOOD HUSBAND (PART THREE)

A good husband is every woman's dream, but learning how to become a good husband is every man's work. Below are more points on how to be a good husband:

5. Avoid Judgment: This is the Heartbeat. To be a good husband you must avoid being judgmental. Where there is judgment, there is fear. And wherever there is fear creativity is paralyzed. Understand that you are both humans from different family background with different experiences and exposure, but capable of self-acceptance. When you live with someone every day, it is hard not to build up resentments and over analyze every move of your partner. As a good husband you must realize no one is going to stand up to that level of scrutiny. Try not to sweat over the little stuff, because it has a way of becoming big rather quickly. If you judge every action or opinion of your wife, you will definitely demonstrate it with your words and actions.This will also go a long way to destroy peace and harmony in the home. And where peace and harmony is absent the love in family is frustrated. Family love exist where peace and harmony prevails.

Try to remain civil, and work toward a mutual understanding. Fighting for the sake of fighting does not make sense for either party. If you can keep your cool, more than likely she will keep hers.A good husband goes the extra mile to remove everything that will present argument and resentment in the family. I know it requires a lot of work, but it a work that is worth doing in order to maintain family love, and also demonstrate to your wife that you are a good husband.

Your wife is different from you. Of course she is not going to perceive things the way you do. She has had different life experiences than you, not the least of which is the general experience of living life as a woman. She will not always like what you like. She will not also behave like a man does. Apart from sexual needs and having children, that is one of the reasons men get into a relationship. We feel the need for a woman’s companionship.

Many of us have emotional baggage. But as a good husband, do not bring that emotional baggage into the marriage. Many men praise their previous wives, girlfriends or mother in front of their wives.This is a very bad attitude. No good wife will appreciate being compared to another woman. Try to avoid judging every action or opinion your wife has; understands that she is different from you. Her experiences and likings may be different from you too. Comparing her or making her feel that she does not measure up only would kill her self esteem and inevitably ruin your marriage.

6. Do not bring Your Own Issues into the Marriage: If you want to be a good husband you must not bring your personal issues into your marriage relationship. Being in a marriage is being part of a team. This means you sometimes have to put your wants or needs second to those of the team. Collective needs must be rated higher than individual needs. All of us have emotional baggage, the mistake most of us do as men it to carry that emotional baggage into our marriage. When your wife comes to you for support that is not the time to open up that emotional baggage. There are times when you can unload this stuff on your wife, but not when she needs your support.Giving her emotional trash in the place of emotional comfort is the greatest disregard you can ever give your wife.

It is common for a man to internalize all her problems and make them his own. But if you do this, you are losing sight of why she confided in you in the first place. Do not be selfish when you are supposed to be supportive and accommodating.

7. Know When to Make it About You: Every marriage should be built on the premise of making it about your spouse first. There are times, however, when an individual’s needs must be met before they can be capable of helping others. If you are really upset about something, do not just bury it under manly silence. Tell her about it and ask for her help. Every good wife will be more than glad to listen and care about her husband. You are not less of a man if you need help with a problem every once in a while. Indeed, I would say that most wives appreciate it a great deal when their husbands really open up to them about their trouble. This is the definition of a give-and-take partnership, which is what marriage is all about.And every good husband must not lose sight of this fundamental truth.

Tell her how you feel, but do not put her in a defensive position. Describe to her how something she does affects you without making your feelings accusatory. When you talk about issues in your marriage, tell her about how it affects you instead of what it is about her that bothers you. Good communication is one of the keys to a healthy marriage; good communication requires you to tell her how you are affected.

If your wife does something that hurts you, tell her exactly that you are hurt. Do not focus on her actions, but on the consequences of those actions. If you simply accuse her of undermining you or being insensitive, it automatically puts her on the defensive. When she is defensive about her actions, good communication becomes impossible.

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